FUENTEOVEJUNA--A detailed book report!

Mark Twain once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t” and Heraldo Munoz has just reiterated this fact in his page turner, 'Getting Away with Murder' which discusses the events surrounding his investigation of the murder of Benazir Bhutto and its historical context. The U.N commission to investigate the murder of BB was formed to shed light on the facts and circumstances surrounding the murder, and not to place guilt. Munoz being a career diplomat and previously a survivor of a dictatorship himself, knew at once that the public would be expecting them to place guilt on one party or the other because for people from countries like Pakistan, where the literacy rates are low, and the political milieu is riddled with uncertainties, the U.N is either looked upon as a miraculous savior or a conspirator--more so the latter. Nevertheless he accepted the offer to head the commission.

Munoz is one of those people who have seen it all. He has been under a death threat, has earned a doctorate in International studies; has served at various diplomatic and political positions in the Chilean government post Pinochet and has also been an ambassador to the U.N from Chile.  He is also the author of a couple of other books, one on the Iraq war and another on life in Chile under the Pinochet dictatorship.

Munoz’s book ‘Getting away with murder’ is filled with intriguingly shady information specifically about events regarding the UN commission’s visit to Islamabad and generally regarding the murder itself. For instance the role of Mr.Rehman Malik, who was not only the interior minister of the Govt. of Pakistan and the point person for the UN commission regarding this case but who also happened to be the principal security adviser of BB at the time of her assassination. According to Munoz Mr. Malik was very friendly throughout the investigation but he would often shy away from important questions that the commission put forward to him. Moreover in their first meeting with Mr. Malik, the commission was handed over a detailed report of the investigation that the Pakistani authorities had carried out till date. Mr. Malik didn’t fail to mention that the report is quite in depth and the commissioners just need to sign it off after minor alterations as they deemed necessary which implied that the commissioners need not get involved in any investigation of their own. This meeting proves that either the government who had itself initiated the inquiry had done so just to get the weight of the U.N behind their own investigation or they were under pressure from the establishment to minimize the role of the commission. Munoz sums up the general mood of the government towards the investigation as follows “a few months after the start of our work, we did not feel as warmly welcomed as we did at the outset”.

The security of the commissioners had been a cause of concern for the UN Department of Safety and Security (DSS) from the outset.  The commissioners were warned by Pakistani authorities about a breach in the communication between the Pakistan govt. and the U.N regarding the first visit of the Commission, just as they were about to leave for Pakistan but they continued their trip amid recommendations not to leave the red zone in Islamabad. The commissioners also learned that their cook was aware of their complete travel itinerary which was an obvious lapse in security and wasn’t handled satisfactorily. Moreover, despite decoy plans to visit the crime scene the commissioners were amazed to find the press present at the scene. All of their trips were marked with information leaks of this sort. Moreover a suicide attack on the UNWFP office in Pakistan prompted the DSS to strongly advise the commissioners to postpone their visit, scheduled for Nov 2009, they obliged but were shocked to read a story in a Pakistani newspaper about this postponement which clearly had quotes from a letter sent by the commission to the government of Pakistan. So much so that the commissioners suspected that the safe house where they stayed i.e. Sindh House was bugged so they used to have sensitive discussions in the lawn.

Munoz also points out various loopholes in Mr. Malik’s version of the event on the day of the murder, as he was seated in the backup vehicle for BB which was nowhere to be found, before or after the assassination, in various video footages. Apparently the backup vehicle, a black bulletproof Mercedes Benz, was the first to leave the parking area and despite the accounts of some of the passengers of the vehicle, who say they felt the impact of the blast, surprisingly the backup vehicle travelled all the way back to Zardari House which was approximately 20-30 minutes away from the crime scene. In Munoz’s words “They didn’t even stop at a safe distance following the explosion to check on her condition, the condition of her vehicle, and whether the backup vehicle was needed”

Lapses on part of the police were evident both at the time of the assassination and especially during the investigation including evidence collection and witness questioning. The police claimed that they had provided a defensive box formation around BB’s vehicle but that was not the case according to witnesses present and the video evidence available. Moreover the police claimed that they were surprised to see BB emerge from the escape hatch on her way out which was negated by the fact that BB remained standing through the escape hatch when she earlier arrived at Liaqat Bagh. A scuffle between the police and the PPP workers was also reported during the procession which might have soured the spirits of the policemen regarding the performance of their duties. There was also a major lapse in crowd control by the police which evidently gave the attacker a chance to reach close enough to BB. After BB’s death was declared by Dr. Mussadiq Khan, he asked the police chief Saud Aziz for permission to conduct an autopsy, more than once but was denied. Although the police is forced by law to have an autopsy report in case of an unnatural death, but they refused to allow an autopsy on the grounds that they needed to get permission from the family, but the body was transferred to Chaklala Air base well before Mr.Zardari’s arrival from Dubai. In addition the crime scene was hosed down within a couple of hours after the attack which if combined with the aforementioned incompetence on part of the police, clearly point towards malice.

Musharraf had evidently been the most important partner of the U.S and U.K in the war on terror after 9/11 but some quarters in the U.S government had reasons to believe that he was playing a double game. Additionally his political legitimacy in Pakistan had started fading. The people of Pakistan had started feeling the side effects of a dictatorship. Although Washington still considered Musharraf to be inevitable for their war on terror but they felt the need to establish some checks and balances through a political player. Nawaz Sharif the other popular leader of Pakistan was removed from power by Musharraf in a coup which brought Musharraf to power in 1999, therefore both NS and Musharraf had personal animosity for each other. BB was the obvious choice. Although BB and Musharraf had been in touch through various representatives since 2002 but they never came close to an agreement as Musharraf didn’t have any reason to compromise but in 2004 Washington started pushing Musharraf to accommodate BB in the political setup of Pakistan.  Subsequently numerous rounds of talks continued between representatives of both BB and Musharraf. Meanwhile Musharraf committed some political blunders especially by taking on Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudry in the early months of 2007, which resulted in wide spread protests against his government, these protests were lead by the lawyers, hence the name Lawyer’s movement, and included the civil society at large. In another twist of events Musharraf was forced to use force on the notorious clergy of the Lal Masjid of Islamabad who had been challenging the writ of the state for almost a year,  when Musharraf finally decided to launch ‘Operation Sunrise’ in July 2007. With the civil society already disillusioned by his policies, in launching Operation Sunrise, Musharraf made another enemy in the clergy.  On January24,2007, BB and Musharraf agreed to a road map to the elections, the details of which would be discussed in the future. In another meeting in July 2007, after Musharraf’s confrontations with the Chief Justice and the Lal Masjid, Musharraf iterated that BB not return to Pakistan before the elections in wake of the various threats to her life reported by the intelligence agencies. BB knew the threats were real but insisited that Musharraf provide her with adequate security because she obviously needed to run a campaign for the elections. As a result of these negotiations Musharraf signed the NRO on October 5, 2007 and was elected as president on October 6, 2007 where the PPP members abstained from the vote but stayed in the session so as to fulfill the required quorum. Meanwhile on August 15,2007 BB announced her return to Pakistan on October 18,2007. After the announcement she began to raise the issue of her security in international circles. The U.S government advised BB to hire an international private security firm for her security but eventually this option was rejected by Musharraf. According to a leaked Wikileaks cable the U.S government also pushed Musharraf to provide BB with adequate security. Nevertheless BB wasn’t happy about the role that the U.S government had played regarding her security arrangements.

The hurry with which the government approached the situation also raises a few questions. On December 28,2007 Brigadier General Rtd. Javed Iqbal Cheema, the spokesman for the ministry of interior gave a press conference in which he announced that the cause of death of BB was an injury sustained when her head hit the lever of the escape hatch due to the impact of the blast. He went on to claim that Baitullah Mehsud was behind the attack. As supporting evidence he presented an intercept of a conversation between Mehsud and a Maulvi Sahib in which Mehsud congratulates Maulvi Sahib for doing a “spectacular job”. This press conference rightfully met with fierce criticism from all quarters, specially the perfect timing of the intercept made it look too convenient to be true. The hosing down of the crime scene on the orders of Khurram Shehzad, the senior most police officer present at the scene, was probably the most controversial issue in the whole case. Shahzad sites maintenance of public order as a reason to hose down the site which is at the most, a baseless claim. He took permission from his senior Saud Aziz who granted permission immediately. Whether Saud Aziz acted on his own, or whether he was given orders from someone higher up in the chain of command is still a matter of controversy. There are however accounts of a phone call from the DG MI to Saud Aziz, when he was at the hospital. This controversy forced the Punjab government to set up an inquiry committee just to ascertain the facts surrounding the hosing down of the crime scene. This committee obviously absolved the police of this act of criminal negligence by saying that the hosing down was appropriate as all evidence had been collected by that time. The RWP police, specifically Saud Aziz continually tried to sabotage the work of the Joint Investigation Team formed to investigate the murder, by delaying tactics and misrepresentation of facts.

Munoz comments on the negligence of the police in the following remarks. “It is my belief that the police deliberately botched the investigation into Bhutto’s assassination. Some police officials did not execute their professional duties as vigorously as they should have, perhaps fearing the involvement in the crime of powerful actors or intelligence agents”.

The American intelligence also believed that Mehsud had orchestrated the attack. The commissioners were not allowed audience to American intelligence officials when they wanted to determine the basis of this assertion.

Al Qaida claimed responsibility for the murder in a statement to Asia Times, by the commander Abu al-Yazid, who claimed that Al Qaida’s second in command Ayman al-Zawahiri had ordered  the attack.

When the commissioners demanded meetings with the DG ISI and the Army Chief, they were greeted with a robust no. The commissioners wrote directly to General Kyani about the issue and after some initial apprehensions they were granted the meetings.  On February 24,2010 the commission met Lt General Ahmed Shuja Pasha, not much was achieved in the way of the investigation in this meeting accept the fact that the General categorically denied the assertion that the ISI had taken the intercepts which were provided as evidence of Biatullah Mehsud’s involvement. On February 25, Munoz met with General Ashfaq Parvez Kayani. Here again not much was achieved in way of the investigation but General Kayani criticized, both the amateur role of the police and the urgency of the press conference putting the blame on Mehsud. Both these observations were shared by the commission as well. Interestingly the very next day the local press carried the news of the meeting and stated that the security establishment had requested the government to setup the meeting as they had nothing to hide. In the words of Munoz,” The public exposure of these meetings fed suspicions held by some observers of Pakistan about the involvement of the ISI, or at least of some retired officers or rogue members of the agency, in the assassination of Benazir.”

Munoz also disperses the theory that BB’s husband AAZ , or someone from within her close circle of friends and workers might have killed her in the following words. “Some of the wilder theories imagine that Bhutto family members including her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, or security aides , like Shahenshah, were the killers. But these persons were so close to Bhutto that they would have had numerous and much more propitious and less uncertain occasions to perpetrate such a hypothetical  assassination”.

Munoz also mentions an interior ministry letter dated October 22,2007, instructing all provincial governments to provide VVIP level security to former PMs Shaukat Aziz and Chaudry Shuat Hussain. The fact that the letter did not mention BB who was also a former PM and who had been attacked only four days before the letter was issued points towards obvious malice on part of the government.

Benazir’s murder is exposed for the conundrum that it is, in Munoz’s book. Al Qaida, TTP, the security establishment, the intelligence agencies, the local police, Musharraf and his aides and BB’s own security team all played some part in one way or the other, whether it was the planning and execution of the TTP or the criminal negligience of the Intelligence agencies and the local police or the absolutely casual approach of Musharraf and his aides to the repeated demands for security or the utter sloppiness of BB’s personal security apparatus during and after the attack. Everyone was responsible for the murder in one way or the other or as Munoz allegorically puts it. The whole village had killed her. 

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Pervertistan Times--special feature.

This just in.

Azfar Shami, a resident of Teli Mohalla, was reported to have been ragged by his friends for not being able to see the new chick in town for what she really is i.e a well defined rump and a pair of perkies.

Zamurd Jamil, one of the said friends and an aspiring lawyer was kind enough to give us his legal bro-pinion on the matter, "look bro it's simple, we the people of Pervertistan follow a constitution and it is clearly stated in article 69 sections A-D, that when you see a rack that fine you are bound to;

A. Grope/touch it. ( this is compulsory in all cases except for the conditions mentioned in clauses b,c and d)

B. Appreciate it verbally. ( This clause is valid only in situations where their is a risk of violence in carrying out clause A.)

C. Whistle at it. (If there is a potential manhandler in the vicinity and executing clause A and B is impossible, a responsible citizen can take refuge in this clause.)

D. Use your imagination. ( If God forbid the circumstances are not ripe for even a whistle one can always resort to bashing the bishop. And without doubt this is the lowest degree of loyalty one can display towards his constitution.)

Moreover if one is forced to resort to clause D of the above mentioned section it is imperative that one starts a movement for the freedom of horn-dogging in order to restore a conducive environment where clauses B,C and D become irrelevant and a bro can freely exercise his basic right to fondle with any rack that is out there."

While commenting on Azfar's suspicious behavior brother Zamurd had this to say. " He has definitely been affected by the latest outburst of the feminism virus. It makes me so sad and frustrated. Such a bright lad he was, so much potential all going down the drain because of this western conspiracy. I demand from the govt. of Pervertistan to put a ban on the activities of the un-civil society, in order to curb the spread of this lethal virus which is destroying the very fabric of our society and turning our youngsters into impotent zombies who are unable to truly appreciate a pair of honkers when they see one."

Another friend of Azfar's, one Rustam Lala, who is an aspiring writer and teaches tuitions in the locality had this to say about the unfortunate incident.

" I don't know a shitload about the law but being an artist I'm extremely sensitive. Especially when it comes to women's issues. I mean what sort of an ungrateful bro ignores the real beauty of a hoe. It is absolutely disrespectful to let a tush go unnoticed. One can only imagine how bad it must feel to possess such awe inspiring assets and still go unnoticed. I for one try my best to never let go of a chance to appreciate what comes my way. Take Paro for instance, Zamurd's sister who'm I taught literature. I didn't wait a second to go all apreesh for those fawsome blinkers of her's. She was amused, in fact she was so over the moon she went on to tell Zamurd. Astoundingly he wasn't impressed at all."

On Azfar's recent misgivings Lala had this to add, " I've known him for a very long time now and this wasn't a surprise at all. I was always suspicious that he was suffering from multiple gayrosis. You know previously this disease was confined to the burger elite of our neighboring city but recently it has started shifting towards P-town as well, all that globalization shit and social media 'penetration' is catching up on us." 

After multiple attempts, we could not get a comment from Azfar. According to unconfirmed reports he has been shifted to a sanatorium at an undisclosed location.

However we just managed to get a word in from his father, who is a cleric in the local mosque. He was fuming as usual--spit-firing and all.

" This is a conspiracy concocted by both RAW and Mossad in order to malign, a true servant of God, and his family. My son is a patriotic Pervertistani and believes in upholding the constitution of Pervertistan. In fact I have personally witnessed him upholding clause A of article 69 on multiple occasions and at various markets. Raja bazaar and Commercial market were his favorite hunting grounds for the versatility and sheer volume of ass-ets available."

On the subject of Azfar's whereabouts he had this to say, " My son has gone to the northern hill spots as an extension of his constitutional duties, in order to promote inter-provincial harmony. All news about him going to a mental health institute are false. After all my son is a man and Pervertistani men can't have mental health issues--they're not allowed to."

Omer Farooq,
Pervertistan Times,
P-town.

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Jaun; On the institution of prostitution!

Following is a translation of Jaun's article published in Insha magazine dated February 1960. As always Jaun's insights from more than half a century back are so strikingly relevant today, that they leave one in awe of the vision and intellect that the man possessed. Here's what he had to say about the age old institutions of prostitution and marriage. 

It would be a huge stretch of the imagination to determine what was the first monetary transaction, that man partook in. It was, perhaps, to attain carnal pleasures from the body of a woman a.k.a. prostitution. Never in the history of mankind, has this market seen a downfall or a depression. In fact prostitution has a logic to it—that the moralists will not accept it is obviously understandable. According to this logic this eternally disgraceful and world famous profession is a bold protest. A gender specific rebellion, against the so called traditions and morals of the society, initiated not by Socrates, Plato or Aristotle; rather it was the invention of their mothers, sisters and daughters, as an answer to the moral appropriation exercised by their men. The first to accept this collective rebellion was a man and the one who out rightly rejected it was also a man. This problem has been ever present with all its intensity since ages, but today its complications have multiplied remarkably.

Every reformist government has time and again found itself faced with the question, of how to abolish the institution of prostitution. Our government is also seriously considering this problem and is committed to resolve it. Our aim here is to clarify some aspects regarding this issue, which will hopefully facilitate in its resolution. Moreover we also urge the opinion makers of our time to deliberate over the matter and try to come up with a solution, which will surely be a remarkable service to this nation.

The socio-cultural and economic aspects of this matter are inarguable. A negative atmosphere, faulty upbringing, unnecessary restrictions, overwhelming societal pressures, unequal economic conditions are some of the major contributing factors towards the institutionalization of Prostitution. But to understand this matter in its entirety, we need to delve into the solitary calignosity of human nature itself.

It won’t be wrong to say that both men and women are promiscuous by nature. Psychologically speaking there is no doubt about the fact that their carnal desires cannot be satisfied by a certain routine or monotony, notwithstanding the fact that practically, women have to be content with a single husband due to societal boundaries. But if we consider the number of non prostitute, promiscuous women which by no means is a small one, then we would have to label the society at large as a prostitution hub. This line of thought only goes on to increase the importance of this issue because , to eradicate labeled markets of prostitution is a herculean task in itself but still possible, but how can a government eradicate all such places where human society exists?

The innumerable questions that arise here demand a keen interest and an open mind. Firstly, if humans are sexually multifarious then why is polygamy looked down upon? Especially when a man can do justice with his wives, both physically and economically. On the other hand, it is only fair to argue that women should also be allowed to have multiple husbands. Isn’t this argument as significant as the first one? In fact there are some economical benefits to it as well. Or else we’d have to prove that only men are sexually diversified and women are not, but would we be able to prove this?

Perhaps we should resort to presenting the matter in its most logical state. Secondly, what is the logical basis of opposing prostitution? What is the scientific definition of honor? This discussion is only aimed at instigating a debate to come up with a logical argument against the institute of prostitution.

In ancient societies sexual instigation wasn’t as powerful or effective as it is today. Pornography alongside a more open societal existence has pushed man towards a sexual crisis. On the other hand the requirements and responsibilities of modern life have made marriage next to impossible; especially youngsters from the newly formed Eastern nations are burdened with unusual responsibilities. They are yet to struggle to come to terms with the educational, cultural and scientific standards of the modern age. Not only are they extremely hyperactive but are also mentally secluded. In fact in this industrial age man is leading a lonely life amidst a crowd thanks to his busy schedule.

The individuals in these busy, unfamiliar, incredulous and noisy times are in a hurry with everything they do. It is impossible to be stationary, which is why we see a disconnect from traditional morals. The psychological focus, ideological trust and temperamental strength required to sustain traditional morals is nowhere to be found. Despite the apparent transition of the world into a global village and the integration of societies, personalities have drifted apart like planets. The institute of the family is facing extinction. We should ponder over whether our ancient and venerated sexual morality can be sustained in the present times. Marriage is not the solution anymore; in fact it is a big part of the problem itself. The number of individuals who can fulfill the economic burden of marriage without getting entangled in a complex web of problems is declining with every passing day.

The condemnable and shameful institute of prostitution should be abolished without a doubt, but will it solve our societal problems or will it cause a rise in them. Can’t we foresee that in the near future men and women will be forced into short term contracts rather than marriage. Anyway we have strived to present the matter in all its intensity so that we can work towards a solution, with the same intensity.

P.S: Firstly, apologies for the complex terms, but translating Jaun is mentally exhausting enough to put me off from any attempt to simplify the terminology so by all means move your lazy ass and open a dictionary, if you need to.

Secondly, personally speaking, I don't necessarily endorse all that Jaun has explicated herein, but I'm certainly in awe of the thought process behind the arguments he makes.

Thirdly, It was interesting for a person like me--who considers Jaun to be the ultimate non-conformist--to observe how even Jaun has employed a very apologetic approach despite thinking out loudly on such a sensitive topic. For instance, the second paragraph is very unlike Jaun in my opinion. Despite having read a lot of his prose, I'm unable to recall an instance where he tried so hard to justify the aims and objectives of his argument.

Finally, To the people who're going to advise me on how I should send my mother and sisters etc. to Heera Mandi. For the umpteenth time, I do not own them, they can go and do whatever they wish to do with their bodies.

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A political memoir of Imran Khan.

Today I’ve picked up this lucky pen (I picked it, what more can it ask for?) to tell you the truth (not that I’ve ever lied to you). I’ve been meaning to do this for a very long time, but every time OYAY Nawaz Shareef (that’s how I address him since the dharna days, I just can’t help it anymore) and his cronies hatch up a plot to avert my attention. The thought of opening my heart to you first occurred to me, alongside a sinking feeling in my stomach, just after the announcement of the 2013 election results. It was the same feeling you get when your matriculation results are announced, you firmly believe you’ll land an easy ‘A’ and you receive a pretty difficult ‘C’. You’re pretty sure there has been some mistake, while waiting for the detailed mark sheet you start asking questions about getting your papers rechecked. You take out your question papers in order to self evaluate your performance for the umpteenth time, interestingly you settle for a B this time. In a few days the detailed mark sheet is in front of you and there is no way you can believe what profanity is printed on it, but deep down you know that that’s that.

It was a really sad day, we had a majority in KPK, but it was not enough to allow me to pop the tag off of my Sherwani. I was devastated; after all it had been two decades now since I’ve bought this sherwani and this is the closest I’ve been to having my way with it. An insane Baghi advised me to announce that we accept the results of the elections, as that would be the sane thing to do. Later on Qureshi saab made me realize that It wasn’t the sane thing to do given the fact that I was already in my 60’s and considering the average Pakistani life expectancy , I might die a Sherwirgin. But I had already announced that I accepted the results.  Qureshi Saab also told me privately how the Baghi wouldn’t be able to stomach me losing my Sherwirginity as he hadn’t gotten the chance to lose it himslef.

Qureshi Saab’s profound rant got me thinking, yes I do that sometimes but never on my own, I mean what good are these experienced advisors if I still have to think on my own. Nevertheless I thought about 2002 when Mush offered me a chance to lose my Sherwirginity and I refused, only because I couldn’t understand a single word Chori Shujaat said to me. I had a meeting with him, he made some weird advances and said something in Sanskrit, I told him I don’t understand. ”mitipao mitipao” he started chanting in Sanskrit again, I ran for my life.

These people are all liars except for Sheikh Rashid. Mush came and said that he will end corruption, I believed him, he didn’t do anything about it, I agitated against him. Then Ooay NS and Zardari told me they’ll boycott the 2007 elections, I announced the same, they backtracked, Zardari became President and MNS a friendly opposition leader in exchange for a free hand In Punjab. Then people came out in the millions, in my rallies pre 2013 elections, I thought  out loudly to myself—mouthwatering and all—‘this is going to be it’ but nobody came out to vote as they feared they might get Kharab(spoiled) in garmi(heat). Sheikh Rasheed is a sage, he told me that the umpire will eventually raise his finger, so I continued the dharna, the umpire didn’t even bother raising his voice. Thanks to my old friends the Talibs, for giving me an opportunity to save face or else I might have had to spend the rest of my life on the container—alone.  

December 17, 2014 was the most tortuous day of my life. On the one hand I was sad about the APS massacre and on the other hand I was immensely relieved that my days of seclusion, on the container were over. However my heart sank at the mere thought of what the future holds for our Talib brothers. But what really had my tail in a spin was the realization that I won’t be losing my sherwirginity any time soon. What ensued was an existential crisis of sorts which lasted almost a year and a half—it felt like I had lost my muse—only to be interrupted by the sweet sound of a twitter notification followed by a never ending trail of phone calls. The ICIJ had struck gold, the Panama Papers were leaked and I could already feel the tender insides of my sherwani on my shoulders, even though it was lost somewhere in the depths of my wardrobe.  

The Panama papers were the coffee to my mornings, the silver lining to my existential storm, hell they were the Viagra to my ED. I pounced on the opportunity demanding for a resignation from Ooay Nawaz Sharif on moral grounds—my bad. He didn’t budge even though the PPP was on my bandwagon this time. It took us one long year of whining and whirling to get there but we finally managed to get the title of God Father for Ooay NS, after all it’s all about the title. Don Corleone has started scaring me in my dreams ever since the judgment. Some nightmare it is, I’m giving a dharna from a container and the Don keeps banging his head in the container, crooning in tones more creepy than radiohead themselves. My shrink says I should dream of open air spaces where there are no containers and try listening to Behemoth for a change, but I digress.

Just like every new crush seems to be the true love one has always longed for, every time the opportunity arises to finally wear that infamous sherwani of mine I get awfully thrilled. Any number of missed opportunities cannot dampen my enthusiasm at times like these. But this time will be different, I know because Sheikh Saab had a dream of me taking the oath and Sheikh Saab is known for making dreams come true . To be honest only one thing concerns me, what if it all boiled down to public agitation? My Torus  tigers and tigresses won’t be able to handle the July heat. I might need the services of my Canadian brother just one more time, but you can never be sure about him now—can you?

 Lets just pray it doesn't come to that. See you at the P.M house—adios.

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