Pervertistan Times--special feature.

This just in.

Azfar Shami, a resident of Teli Mohalla, was reported to have been ragged by his friends for not being able to see the new chick in town for what she really is i.e a well defined rump and a pair of perkies.

Zamurd Jamil, one of the said friends and an aspiring lawyer was kind enough to give us his legal bro-pinion on the matter, "look bro it's simple, we the people of Pervertistan follow a constitution and it is clearly stated in article 69 sections A-D, that when you see a rack that fine you are bound to;

A. Grope/touch it. ( this is compulsory in all cases except for the conditions mentioned in clauses b,c and d)

B. Appreciate it verbally. ( This clause is valid only in situations where their is a risk of violence in carrying out clause A.)

C. Whistle at it. (If there is a potential manhandler in the vicinity and executing clause A and B is impossible, a responsible citizen can take refuge in this clause.)

D. Use your imagination. ( If God forbid the circumstances are not ripe for even a whistle one can always resort to bashing the bishop. And without doubt this is the lowest degree of loyalty one can display towards his constitution.)

Moreover if one is forced to resort to clause D of the above mentioned section it is imperative that one starts a movement for the freedom of horn-dogging in order to restore a conducive environment where clauses B,C and D become irrelevant and a bro can freely exercise his basic right to fondle with any rack that is out there."

While commenting on Azfar's suspicious behavior brother Zamurd had this to say. " He has definitely been affected by the latest outburst of the feminism virus. It makes me so sad and frustrated. Such a bright lad he was, so much potential all going down the drain because of this western conspiracy. I demand from the govt. of Pervertistan to put a ban on the activities of the un-civil society, in order to curb the spread of this lethal virus which is destroying the very fabric of our society and turning our youngsters into impotent zombies who are unable to truly appreciate a pair of honkers when they see one."

Another friend of Azfar's, one Rustam Lala, who is an aspiring writer and teaches tuitions in the locality had this to say about the unfortunate incident.

" I don't know a shitload about the law but being an artist I'm extremely sensitive. Especially when it comes to women's issues. I mean what sort of an ungrateful bro ignores the real beauty of a hoe. It is absolutely disrespectful to let a tush go unnoticed. One can only imagine how bad it must feel to possess such awe inspiring assets and still go unnoticed. I for one try my best to never let go of a chance to appreciate what comes my way. Take Paro for instance, Zamurd's sister who'm I taught literature. I didn't wait a second to go all apreesh for those fawsome blinkers of her's. She was amused, in fact she was so over the moon she went on to tell Zamurd. Astoundingly he wasn't impressed at all."

On Azfar's recent misgivings Lala had this to add, " I've known him for a very long time now and this wasn't a surprise at all. I was always suspicious that he was suffering from multiple gayrosis. You know previously this disease was confined to the burger elite of our neighboring city but recently it has started shifting towards P-town as well, all that globalization shit and social media 'penetration' is catching up on us." 

After multiple attempts, we could not get a comment from Azfar. According to unconfirmed reports he has been shifted to a sanatorium at an undisclosed location.

However we just managed to get a word in from his father, who is a cleric in the local mosque. He was fuming as usual--spit-firing and all.

" This is a conspiracy concocted by both RAW and Mossad in order to malign, a true servant of God, and his family. My son is a patriotic Pervertistani and believes in upholding the constitution of Pervertistan. In fact I have personally witnessed him upholding clause A of article 69 on multiple occasions and at various markets. Raja bazaar and Commercial market were his favorite hunting grounds for the versatility and sheer volume of ass-ets available."

On the subject of Azfar's whereabouts he had this to say, " My son has gone to the northern hill spots as an extension of his constitutional duties, in order to promote inter-provincial harmony. All news about him going to a mental health institute are false. After all my son is a man and Pervertistani men can't have mental health issues--they're not allowed to."

Omer Farooq,
Pervertistan Times,
P-town.

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