FUENTEOVEJUNA--A detailed book report!

Mark Twain once said, “Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn’t” and Heraldo Munoz has just reiterated this fact in his page turner, 'Getting Away with Murder' which discusses the events surrounding his investigation of the murder of Benazir Bhutto and its historical context. The U.N commission to investigate the murder of BB was formed to shed light on the facts and circumstances surrounding the murder, and not to place guilt. Munoz being a career diplomat and previously a survivor of a dictatorship himself, knew at once that the public would be expecting them to place guilt on one party or the other because for people from countries like Pakistan, where the literacy rates are low, and the political milieu is riddled with uncertainties, the U.N is either looked upon as a miraculous savior or a conspirator--more so the latter. Nevertheless he accepted the offer to head the commission.

Munoz is one of those people who have seen it all. He has been under a death threat, has earned a doctorate in International studies; has served at various diplomatic and political positions in the Chilean government post Pinochet and has also been an ambassador to the U.N from Chile.  He is also the author of a couple of other books, one on the Iraq war and another on life in Chile under the Pinochet dictatorship.

Munoz’s book ‘Getting away with murder’ is filled with intriguingly shady information specifically about events regarding the UN commission’s visit to Islamabad and generally regarding the murder itself. For instance the role of Mr.Rehman Malik, who was not only the interior minister of the Govt. of Pakistan and the point person for the UN commission regarding this case but who also happened to be the principal security adviser of BB at the time of her assassination. According to Munoz Mr. Malik was very friendly throughout the investigation but he would often shy away from important questions that the commission put forward to him. Moreover in their first meeting with Mr. Malik, the commission was handed over a detailed report of the investigation that the Pakistani authorities had carried out till date. Mr. Malik didn’t fail to mention that the report is quite in depth and the commissioners just need to sign it off after minor alterations as they deemed necessary which implied that the commissioners need not get involved in any investigation of their own. This meeting proves that either the government who had itself initiated the inquiry had done so just to get the weight of the U.N behind their own investigation or they were under pressure from the establishment to minimize the role of the commission. Munoz sums up the general mood of the government towards the investigation as follows “a few months after the start of our work, we did not feel as warmly welcomed as we did at the outset”.

The security of the commissioners had been a cause of concern for the UN Department of Safety and Security (DSS) from the outset.  The commissioners were warned by Pakistani authorities about a breach in the communication between the Pakistan govt. and the U.N regarding the first visit of the Commission, just as they were about to leave for Pakistan but they continued their trip amid recommendations not to leave the red zone in Islamabad. The commissioners also learned that their cook was aware of their complete travel itinerary which was an obvious lapse in security and wasn’t handled satisfactorily. Moreover, despite decoy plans to visit the crime scene the commissioners were amazed to find the press present at the scene. All of their trips were marked with information leaks of this sort. Moreover a suicide attack on the UNWFP office in Pakistan prompted the DSS to strongly advise the commissioners to postpone their visit, scheduled for Nov 2009, they obliged but were shocked to read a story in a Pakistani newspaper about this postponement which clearly had quotes from a letter sent by the commission to the government of Pakistan. So much so that the commissioners suspected that the safe house where they stayed i.e. Sindh House was bugged so they used to have sensitive discussions in the lawn.

Munoz also points out various loopholes in Mr. Malik’s version of the event on the day of the murder, as he was seated in the backup vehicle for BB which was nowhere to be found, before or after the assassination, in various video footages. Apparently the backup vehicle, a black bulletproof Mercedes Benz, was the first to leave the parking area and despite the accounts of some of the passengers of the vehicle, who say they felt the impact of the blast, surprisingly the backup vehicle travelled all the way back to Zardari House which was approximately 20-30 minutes away from the crime scene. In Munoz’s words “They didn’t even stop at a safe distance following the explosion to check on her condition, the condition of her vehicle, and whether the backup vehicle was needed”

Lapses on part of the police were evident both at the time of the assassination and especially during the investigation including evidence collection and witness questioning. The police claimed that they had provided a defensive box formation around BB’s vehicle but that was not the case according to witnesses present and the video evidence available. Moreover the police claimed that they were surprised to see BB emerge from the escape hatch on her way out which was negated by the fact that BB remained standing through the escape hatch when she earlier arrived at Liaqat Bagh. A scuffle between the police and the PPP workers was also reported during the procession which might have soured the spirits of the policemen regarding the performance of their duties. There was also a major lapse in crowd control by the police which evidently gave the attacker a chance to reach close enough to BB. After BB’s death was declared by Dr. Mussadiq Khan, he asked the police chief Saud Aziz for permission to conduct an autopsy, more than once but was denied. Although the police is forced by law to have an autopsy report in case of an unnatural death, but they refused to allow an autopsy on the grounds that they needed to get permission from the family, but the body was transferred to Chaklala Air base well before Mr.Zardari’s arrival from Dubai. In addition the crime scene was hosed down within a couple of hours after the attack which if combined with the aforementioned incompetence on part of the police, clearly point towards malice.

Musharraf had evidently been the most important partner of the U.S and U.K in the war on terror after 9/11 but some quarters in the U.S government had reasons to believe that he was playing a double game. Additionally his political legitimacy in Pakistan had started fading. The people of Pakistan had started feeling the side effects of a dictatorship. Although Washington still considered Musharraf to be inevitable for their war on terror but they felt the need to establish some checks and balances through a political player. Nawaz Sharif the other popular leader of Pakistan was removed from power by Musharraf in a coup which brought Musharraf to power in 1999, therefore both NS and Musharraf had personal animosity for each other. BB was the obvious choice. Although BB and Musharraf had been in touch through various representatives since 2002 but they never came close to an agreement as Musharraf didn’t have any reason to compromise but in 2004 Washington started pushing Musharraf to accommodate BB in the political setup of Pakistan.  Subsequently numerous rounds of talks continued between representatives of both BB and Musharraf. Meanwhile Musharraf committed some political blunders especially by taking on Chief Justice Iftikhar Chaudry in the early months of 2007, which resulted in wide spread protests against his government, these protests were lead by the lawyers, hence the name Lawyer’s movement, and included the civil society at large. In another twist of events Musharraf was forced to use force on the notorious clergy of the Lal Masjid of Islamabad who had been challenging the writ of the state for almost a year,  when Musharraf finally decided to launch ‘Operation Sunrise’ in July 2007. With the civil society already disillusioned by his policies, in launching Operation Sunrise, Musharraf made another enemy in the clergy.  On January24,2007, BB and Musharraf agreed to a road map to the elections, the details of which would be discussed in the future. In another meeting in July 2007, after Musharraf’s confrontations with the Chief Justice and the Lal Masjid, Musharraf iterated that BB not return to Pakistan before the elections in wake of the various threats to her life reported by the intelligence agencies. BB knew the threats were real but insisited that Musharraf provide her with adequate security because she obviously needed to run a campaign for the elections. As a result of these negotiations Musharraf signed the NRO on October 5, 2007 and was elected as president on October 6, 2007 where the PPP members abstained from the vote but stayed in the session so as to fulfill the required quorum. Meanwhile on August 15,2007 BB announced her return to Pakistan on October 18,2007. After the announcement she began to raise the issue of her security in international circles. The U.S government advised BB to hire an international private security firm for her security but eventually this option was rejected by Musharraf. According to a leaked Wikileaks cable the U.S government also pushed Musharraf to provide BB with adequate security. Nevertheless BB wasn’t happy about the role that the U.S government had played regarding her security arrangements.

The hurry with which the government approached the situation also raises a few questions. On December 28,2007 Brigadier General Rtd. Javed Iqbal Cheema, the spokesman for the ministry of interior gave a press conference in which he announced that the cause of death of BB was an injury sustained when her head hit the lever of the escape hatch due to the impact of the blast. He went on to claim that Baitullah Mehsud was behind the attack. As supporting evidence he presented an intercept of a conversation between Mehsud and a Maulvi Sahib in which Mehsud congratulates Maulvi Sahib for doing a “spectacular job”. This press conference rightfully met with fierce criticism from all quarters, specially the perfect timing of the intercept made it look too convenient to be true. The hosing down of the crime scene on the orders of Khurram Shehzad, the senior most police officer present at the scene, was probably the most controversial issue in the whole case. Shahzad sites maintenance of public order as a reason to hose down the site which is at the most, a baseless claim. He took permission from his senior Saud Aziz who granted permission immediately. Whether Saud Aziz acted on his own, or whether he was given orders from someone higher up in the chain of command is still a matter of controversy. There are however accounts of a phone call from the DG MI to Saud Aziz, when he was at the hospital. This controversy forced the Punjab government to set up an inquiry committee just to ascertain the facts surrounding the hosing down of the crime scene. This committee obviously absolved the police of this act of criminal negligence by saying that the hosing down was appropriate as all evidence had been collected by that time. The RWP police, specifically Saud Aziz continually tried to sabotage the work of the Joint Investigation Team formed to investigate the murder, by delaying tactics and misrepresentation of facts.

Munoz comments on the negligence of the police in the following remarks. “It is my belief that the police deliberately botched the investigation into Bhutto’s assassination. Some police officials did not execute their professional duties as vigorously as they should have, perhaps fearing the involvement in the crime of powerful actors or intelligence agents”.

The American intelligence also believed that Mehsud had orchestrated the attack. The commissioners were not allowed audience to American intelligence officials when they wanted to determine the basis of this assertion.

Al Qaida claimed responsibility for the murder in a statement to Asia Times, by the commander Abu al-Yazid, who claimed that Al Qaida’s second in command Ayman al-Zawahiri had ordered  the attack.

When the commissioners demanded meetings with the DG ISI and the Army Chief, they were greeted with a robust no. The commissioners wrote directly to General Kyani about the issue and after some initial apprehensions they were granted the meetings.  On February 24,2010 the commission met Lt General Ahmed Shuja Pasha, not much was achieved in the way of the investigation in this meeting accept the fact that the General categorically denied the assertion that the ISI had taken the intercepts which were provided as evidence of Biatullah Mehsud’s involvement. On February 25, Munoz met with General Ashfaq Parvez Kayani. Here again not much was achieved in way of the investigation but General Kayani criticized, both the amateur role of the police and the urgency of the press conference putting the blame on Mehsud. Both these observations were shared by the commission as well. Interestingly the very next day the local press carried the news of the meeting and stated that the security establishment had requested the government to setup the meeting as they had nothing to hide. In the words of Munoz,” The public exposure of these meetings fed suspicions held by some observers of Pakistan about the involvement of the ISI, or at least of some retired officers or rogue members of the agency, in the assassination of Benazir.”

Munoz also disperses the theory that BB’s husband AAZ , or someone from within her close circle of friends and workers might have killed her in the following words. “Some of the wilder theories imagine that Bhutto family members including her husband, Asif Ali Zardari, or security aides , like Shahenshah, were the killers. But these persons were so close to Bhutto that they would have had numerous and much more propitious and less uncertain occasions to perpetrate such a hypothetical  assassination”.

Munoz also mentions an interior ministry letter dated October 22,2007, instructing all provincial governments to provide VVIP level security to former PMs Shaukat Aziz and Chaudry Shuat Hussain. The fact that the letter did not mention BB who was also a former PM and who had been attacked only four days before the letter was issued points towards obvious malice on part of the government.

Benazir’s murder is exposed for the conundrum that it is, in Munoz’s book. Al Qaida, TTP, the security establishment, the intelligence agencies, the local police, Musharraf and his aides and BB’s own security team all played some part in one way or the other, whether it was the planning and execution of the TTP or the criminal negligience of the Intelligence agencies and the local police or the absolutely casual approach of Musharraf and his aides to the repeated demands for security or the utter sloppiness of BB’s personal security apparatus during and after the attack. Everyone was responsible for the murder in one way or the other or as Munoz allegorically puts it. The whole village had killed her. 

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Pervertistan Times--special feature.

This just in.

Azfar Shami, a resident of Teli Mohalla, was reported to have been ragged by his friends for not being able to see the new chick in town for what she really is i.e a well defined rump and a pair of perkies.

Zamurd Jamil, one of the said friends and an aspiring lawyer was kind enough to give us his legal bro-pinion on the matter, "look bro it's simple, we the people of Pervertistan follow a constitution and it is clearly stated in article 69 sections A-D, that when you see a rack that fine you are bound to;

A. Grope/touch it. ( this is compulsory in all cases except for the conditions mentioned in clauses b,c and d)

B. Appreciate it verbally. ( This clause is valid only in situations where their is a risk of violence in carrying out clause A.)

C. Whistle at it. (If there is a potential manhandler in the vicinity and executing clause A and B is impossible, a responsible citizen can take refuge in this clause.)

D. Use your imagination. ( If God forbid the circumstances are not ripe for even a whistle one can always resort to bashing the bishop. And without doubt this is the lowest degree of loyalty one can display towards his constitution.)

Moreover if one is forced to resort to clause D of the above mentioned section it is imperative that one starts a movement for the freedom of horn-dogging in order to restore a conducive environment where clauses B,C and D become irrelevant and a bro can freely exercise his basic right to fondle with any rack that is out there."

While commenting on Azfar's suspicious behavior brother Zamurd had this to say. " He has definitely been affected by the latest outburst of the feminism virus. It makes me so sad and frustrated. Such a bright lad he was, so much potential all going down the drain because of this western conspiracy. I demand from the govt. of Pervertistan to put a ban on the activities of the un-civil society, in order to curb the spread of this lethal virus which is destroying the very fabric of our society and turning our youngsters into impotent zombies who are unable to truly appreciate a pair of honkers when they see one."

Another friend of Azfar's, one Rustam Lala, who is an aspiring writer and teaches tuitions in the locality had this to say about the unfortunate incident.

" I don't know a shitload about the law but being an artist I'm extremely sensitive. Especially when it comes to women's issues. I mean what sort of an ungrateful bro ignores the real beauty of a hoe. It is absolutely disrespectful to let a tush go unnoticed. One can only imagine how bad it must feel to possess such awe inspiring assets and still go unnoticed. I for one try my best to never let go of a chance to appreciate what comes my way. Take Paro for instance, Zamurd's sister who'm I taught literature. I didn't wait a second to go all apreesh for those fawsome blinkers of her's. She was amused, in fact she was so over the moon she went on to tell Zamurd. Astoundingly he wasn't impressed at all."

On Azfar's recent misgivings Lala had this to add, " I've known him for a very long time now and this wasn't a surprise at all. I was always suspicious that he was suffering from multiple gayrosis. You know previously this disease was confined to the burger elite of our neighboring city but recently it has started shifting towards P-town as well, all that globalization shit and social media 'penetration' is catching up on us." 

After multiple attempts, we could not get a comment from Azfar. According to unconfirmed reports he has been shifted to a sanatorium at an undisclosed location.

However we just managed to get a word in from his father, who is a cleric in the local mosque. He was fuming as usual--spit-firing and all.

" This is a conspiracy concocted by both RAW and Mossad in order to malign, a true servant of God, and his family. My son is a patriotic Pervertistani and believes in upholding the constitution of Pervertistan. In fact I have personally witnessed him upholding clause A of article 69 on multiple occasions and at various markets. Raja bazaar and Commercial market were his favorite hunting grounds for the versatility and sheer volume of ass-ets available."

On the subject of Azfar's whereabouts he had this to say, " My son has gone to the northern hill spots as an extension of his constitutional duties, in order to promote inter-provincial harmony. All news about him going to a mental health institute are false. After all my son is a man and Pervertistani men can't have mental health issues--they're not allowed to."

Omer Farooq,
Pervertistan Times,
P-town.

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Jaun; On the institution of prostitution!

Following is a translation of Jaun's article published in Insha magazine dated February 1960. As always Jaun's insights from more than half a century back are so strikingly relevant today, that they leave one in awe of the vision and intellect that the man possessed. Here's what he had to say about the age old institutions of prostitution and marriage. 

It would be a huge stretch of the imagination to determine what was the first monetary transaction, that man partook in. It was, perhaps, to attain carnal pleasures from the body of a woman a.k.a. prostitution. Never in the history of mankind, has this market seen a downfall or a depression. In fact prostitution has a logic to it—that the moralists will not accept it is obviously understandable. According to this logic this eternally disgraceful and world famous profession is a bold protest. A gender specific rebellion, against the so called traditions and morals of the society, initiated not by Socrates, Plato or Aristotle; rather it was the invention of their mothers, sisters and daughters, as an answer to the moral appropriation exercised by their men. The first to accept this collective rebellion was a man and the one who out rightly rejected it was also a man. This problem has been ever present with all its intensity since ages, but today its complications have multiplied remarkably.

Every reformist government has time and again found itself faced with the question, of how to abolish the institution of prostitution. Our government is also seriously considering this problem and is committed to resolve it. Our aim here is to clarify some aspects regarding this issue, which will hopefully facilitate in its resolution. Moreover we also urge the opinion makers of our time to deliberate over the matter and try to come up with a solution, which will surely be a remarkable service to this nation.

The socio-cultural and economic aspects of this matter are inarguable. A negative atmosphere, faulty upbringing, unnecessary restrictions, overwhelming societal pressures, unequal economic conditions are some of the major contributing factors towards the institutionalization of Prostitution. But to understand this matter in its entirety, we need to delve into the solitary calignosity of human nature itself.

It won’t be wrong to say that both men and women are promiscuous by nature. Psychologically speaking there is no doubt about the fact that their carnal desires cannot be satisfied by a certain routine or monotony, notwithstanding the fact that practically, women have to be content with a single husband due to societal boundaries. But if we consider the number of non prostitute, promiscuous women which by no means is a small one, then we would have to label the society at large as a prostitution hub. This line of thought only goes on to increase the importance of this issue because , to eradicate labeled markets of prostitution is a herculean task in itself but still possible, but how can a government eradicate all such places where human society exists?

The innumerable questions that arise here demand a keen interest and an open mind. Firstly, if humans are sexually multifarious then why is polygamy looked down upon? Especially when a man can do justice with his wives, both physically and economically. On the other hand, it is only fair to argue that women should also be allowed to have multiple husbands. Isn’t this argument as significant as the first one? In fact there are some economical benefits to it as well. Or else we’d have to prove that only men are sexually diversified and women are not, but would we be able to prove this?

Perhaps we should resort to presenting the matter in its most logical state. Secondly, what is the logical basis of opposing prostitution? What is the scientific definition of honor? This discussion is only aimed at instigating a debate to come up with a logical argument against the institute of prostitution.

In ancient societies sexual instigation wasn’t as powerful or effective as it is today. Pornography alongside a more open societal existence has pushed man towards a sexual crisis. On the other hand the requirements and responsibilities of modern life have made marriage next to impossible; especially youngsters from the newly formed Eastern nations are burdened with unusual responsibilities. They are yet to struggle to come to terms with the educational, cultural and scientific standards of the modern age. Not only are they extremely hyperactive but are also mentally secluded. In fact in this industrial age man is leading a lonely life amidst a crowd thanks to his busy schedule.

The individuals in these busy, unfamiliar, incredulous and noisy times are in a hurry with everything they do. It is impossible to be stationary, which is why we see a disconnect from traditional morals. The psychological focus, ideological trust and temperamental strength required to sustain traditional morals is nowhere to be found. Despite the apparent transition of the world into a global village and the integration of societies, personalities have drifted apart like planets. The institute of the family is facing extinction. We should ponder over whether our ancient and venerated sexual morality can be sustained in the present times. Marriage is not the solution anymore; in fact it is a big part of the problem itself. The number of individuals who can fulfill the economic burden of marriage without getting entangled in a complex web of problems is declining with every passing day.

The condemnable and shameful institute of prostitution should be abolished without a doubt, but will it solve our societal problems or will it cause a rise in them. Can’t we foresee that in the near future men and women will be forced into short term contracts rather than marriage. Anyway we have strived to present the matter in all its intensity so that we can work towards a solution, with the same intensity.

P.S: Firstly, apologies for the complex terms, but translating Jaun is mentally exhausting enough to put me off from any attempt to simplify the terminology so by all means move your lazy ass and open a dictionary, if you need to.

Secondly, personally speaking, I don't necessarily endorse all that Jaun has explicated herein, but I'm certainly in awe of the thought process behind the arguments he makes.

Thirdly, It was interesting for a person like me--who considers Jaun to be the ultimate non-conformist--to observe how even Jaun has employed a very apologetic approach despite thinking out loudly on such a sensitive topic. For instance, the second paragraph is very unlike Jaun in my opinion. Despite having read a lot of his prose, I'm unable to recall an instance where he tried so hard to justify the aims and objectives of his argument.

Finally, To the people who're going to advise me on how I should send my mother and sisters etc. to Heera Mandi. For the umpteenth time, I do not own them, they can go and do whatever they wish to do with their bodies.

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A political memoir of Imran Khan.

Today I’ve picked up this lucky pen (I picked it, what more can it ask for?) to tell you the truth (not that I’ve ever lied to you). I’ve been meaning to do this for a very long time, but every time OYAY Nawaz Shareef (that’s how I address him since the dharna days, I just can’t help it anymore) and his cronies hatch up a plot to avert my attention. The thought of opening my heart to you first occurred to me, alongside a sinking feeling in my stomach, just after the announcement of the 2013 election results. It was the same feeling you get when your matriculation results are announced, you firmly believe you’ll land an easy ‘A’ and you receive a pretty difficult ‘C’. You’re pretty sure there has been some mistake, while waiting for the detailed mark sheet you start asking questions about getting your papers rechecked. You take out your question papers in order to self evaluate your performance for the umpteenth time, interestingly you settle for a B this time. In a few days the detailed mark sheet is in front of you and there is no way you can believe what profanity is printed on it, but deep down you know that that’s that.

It was a really sad day, we had a majority in KPK, but it was not enough to allow me to pop the tag off of my Sherwani. I was devastated; after all it had been two decades now since I’ve bought this sherwani and this is the closest I’ve been to having my way with it. An insane Baghi advised me to announce that we accept the results of the elections, as that would be the sane thing to do. Later on Qureshi saab made me realize that It wasn’t the sane thing to do given the fact that I was already in my 60’s and considering the average Pakistani life expectancy , I might die a Sherwirgin. But I had already announced that I accepted the results.  Qureshi Saab also told me privately how the Baghi wouldn’t be able to stomach me losing my Sherwirginity as he hadn’t gotten the chance to lose it himslef.

Qureshi Saab’s profound rant got me thinking, yes I do that sometimes but never on my own, I mean what good are these experienced advisors if I still have to think on my own. Nevertheless I thought about 2002 when Mush offered me a chance to lose my Sherwirginity and I refused, only because I couldn’t understand a single word Chori Shujaat said to me. I had a meeting with him, he made some weird advances and said something in Sanskrit, I told him I don’t understand. ”mitipao mitipao” he started chanting in Sanskrit again, I ran for my life.

These people are all liars except for Sheikh Rashid. Mush came and said that he will end corruption, I believed him, he didn’t do anything about it, I agitated against him. Then Ooay NS and Zardari told me they’ll boycott the 2007 elections, I announced the same, they backtracked, Zardari became President and MNS a friendly opposition leader in exchange for a free hand In Punjab. Then people came out in the millions, in my rallies pre 2013 elections, I thought  out loudly to myself—mouthwatering and all—‘this is going to be it’ but nobody came out to vote as they feared they might get Kharab(spoiled) in garmi(heat). Sheikh Rasheed is a sage, he told me that the umpire will eventually raise his finger, so I continued the dharna, the umpire didn’t even bother raising his voice. Thanks to my old friends the Talibs, for giving me an opportunity to save face or else I might have had to spend the rest of my life on the container—alone.  

December 17, 2014 was the most tortuous day of my life. On the one hand I was sad about the APS massacre and on the other hand I was immensely relieved that my days of seclusion, on the container were over. However my heart sank at the mere thought of what the future holds for our Talib brothers. But what really had my tail in a spin was the realization that I won’t be losing my sherwirginity any time soon. What ensued was an existential crisis of sorts which lasted almost a year and a half—it felt like I had lost my muse—only to be interrupted by the sweet sound of a twitter notification followed by a never ending trail of phone calls. The ICIJ had struck gold, the Panama Papers were leaked and I could already feel the tender insides of my sherwani on my shoulders, even though it was lost somewhere in the depths of my wardrobe.  

The Panama papers were the coffee to my mornings, the silver lining to my existential storm, hell they were the Viagra to my ED. I pounced on the opportunity demanding for a resignation from Ooay Nawaz Sharif on moral grounds—my bad. He didn’t budge even though the PPP was on my bandwagon this time. It took us one long year of whining and whirling to get there but we finally managed to get the title of God Father for Ooay NS, after all it’s all about the title. Don Corleone has started scaring me in my dreams ever since the judgment. Some nightmare it is, I’m giving a dharna from a container and the Don keeps banging his head in the container, crooning in tones more creepy than radiohead themselves. My shrink says I should dream of open air spaces where there are no containers and try listening to Behemoth for a change, but I digress.

Just like every new crush seems to be the true love one has always longed for, every time the opportunity arises to finally wear that infamous sherwani of mine I get awfully thrilled. Any number of missed opportunities cannot dampen my enthusiasm at times like these. But this time will be different, I know because Sheikh Saab had a dream of me taking the oath and Sheikh Saab is known for making dreams come true . To be honest only one thing concerns me, what if it all boiled down to public agitation? My Torus  tigers and tigresses won’t be able to handle the July heat. I might need the services of my Canadian brother just one more time, but you can never be sure about him now—can you?

 Lets just pray it doesn't come to that. See you at the P.M house—adios.

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Back to the Future; From APS to the Easter Sunday Blasts.

March 23,2016 was an eventful day in Pakistan, while the nation was busy celebrating its republic day by putting up a show of its military might in Islamabad--tanks, jets and all--a rather small group of highly motivated young men, belonging to the Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan Jamaat Al Ahrar, was probably roaming around the Gulshan Iqbal park to finalize their plan of action. On the other hand the Christian community of Lahore was thinking of places where they would hide Easter eggs for their children to find. By the end of the day most of us were hooked up to the T.V screens for the NZ vs PAK cricket match & the media was busy discussing the merits and demerits of a generic name like 'Pak Sar Zameen Party' and whether their flag is legit or not.

On March 27,2016 which not so coincidentally also happened to be Easter Sunday, Gulshan Iqbal Park Lahore saw dead bodies in the dozens, after a suicide bomber laden with explosives,ball bearings, nuts, bolts and a determination to meet his hoors without further ado, exploded himself amidst citizens of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, most of them being women and children. The Jamaat ul Ahrar spokesperson, the famous Ehsan ullah Ehsan didn't take very long to claim that they had carried out the attacks targeting the Christian community. Meanwhile a crowd of religiously motivated men marched towards Islamabad, the capital of Pakistan after attending the chehlum of a convicted murderer. They also had a hoor wish, but their Faith wasn't as unwavering as the Lahore bomber kid. They stayed at Islamabad for 3 days, paid their respects to the PM's mother and sisters in their daily prayers and sermons, scared the shit out of some military helicopters by launching their footwear towards them and went back home after being handed out lollipops by the government.

A couple of hours in and our social media discourse was invested in answering the two most essential questions that were raised after the attack. Firstly, whether the Eiffel Tower was lit green to show solidarity with Lahore or not and secondly, whether it was an attack on Pakistanis or Pakistani Christians? Obviously Zaid (Johnny Doe), the kid who lost both parents and a sibling to the blast, would have forgotten everything if the Eiffel Tower displayed the Pak flag for a couple of hours, Parisian validation was all he needed and these bloody Westerners couldn't even manage that. 

These questions themselves are a comment on the intellectual decay that we as a nation are suffering from. Our incessant need to seek validation, even for recognizing ourselves as the victims, from Europe or America is plain old pathetic. After the Charlie Hebdo debacle, the largest processions in solidarity were held in Paris, after the Brussels attack it was Germany that was overwhelmed by the number of people that took to the streets to demonstrate their unity and that is despite our juvenile DP wars a.k.a. lame attempts to stay relevant, at least online. And guess what, there were no party flags in these gatherings, nor did we hear deafening yet hollow slogans from one group or the other.  We are yet to see a significant number of people get out on the streets, setting aside the differences in background and point of views, in solidarity with the victims of any tragedy that has taken place in the decade and a half of violence that we have witnessed as a nation. Unless we see an exclusively Pakistani demonstration of solidarity to the victims of any and all attacks against Pakistanis, notwithstanding their religious, ethnic or political motivations, it won’t matter if the Eiffel Tower or the Statue of Liberty or even if the whole world is lit green. Apparently we have better things to do.

Why the debate on a Christian or a non Christian attack continued fiercely even after the Taliban spokesperson announced that the attack was aimed at Christians celebrating Easter, notwithstanding the special love of the TTP for the Christians, is not beyond explanation. There are people in our discourse who passionately believe that an event ‘x’ which is a negative event i.e. a terrorist attack in this case or a gang of pornographers in Kasur or honor killings throughout the country is not as damaging to the image of the country as the propagation of these events by the media. In essence they are trying to compare the perpetrators of the actual crime to the propagators which is unfair to say the least. Even if the propagators are doing so out of malicious intent they are indirectly forcing us to face our issues rather than sweep them under a rug. So in trying to claim that Pakistani Christians are not a persecuted minority we’re essentially rejecting the agency of people as Christians to mourn the deaths of their loved ones. 

Nevertheless both these questions proved successful in diverting the debate to an endless pandemonium of rhetoric until the next big thing hits the screens; enter Panama leaks, which has positioned us right back in the pre NAP (National Action Plan) days. When is the government going? seems to be the most important question as far as the mainstream media is concerned. What will it take for us to arrive upon the more pertinent questions like:

What happened to the national counter extremism narrative that was supposed to be an essential part of the NAP?

Where is the academic vigilance required to build a unanimous counter narrative?

Why is it so that 2 and a half years, 30 terrorist attacks and almost 500 casualties later, we still have a government employed imam at the Red mosque who has continuously reiterated that in the fight between the Taliban and our forces, the Talib’s are the martyrs and we the oppressors?

How is it possible that in a post NAP Pakistan a religiously motivated alternative judicial system (JUD Shariat Courts), is blatantly operating in the heart of Punjab?

Why was a bunch of hooligans allowed to sabotage the Federal Capital of the country, for 4 days, while making calls to the domestic servants and drivers of the ruling elite to murder them in the same way as Qadri had done, without any consequences?

No matter how badly we ‘break the backs’ of our enemies in military ops , they will come back to kick our back sides over and over again unless we come up with a long term plan to curb the nurseries that provide the manpower for these terrorist organizations and devise a comprehensive strategy to bring potential recruits into the mainstream. Moreover initiating a dialogue on the mainstream media to come up with an alternative narrative which has the backing of Ulema from various sects is absolutely necessary and that is only possible if we start asking the right questions, which almost no one is bothering to ask, let alone answer, because Panama papers can give you off the charts ratings and that is all that matters. Sadly the vigilance and unanimity shown after the APS attack is fading away and we the citizens of Pakistan will have to wait until (God forbid) another APS to take another baby step towards a safer Pakistan, maybe.

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Of Utopia reiterators and their liberal counterparts.

Utopia reiteration season is upon us again. Once again all the newly hatched liberals will go to war with the old school utopia re iterators and when the liberals will have depleted their logic reserves they will remind the re iterators,

 of Bangladesh, to which the re iterators will reply in kind with the latest profanities available in the market. Finally every body will go about their businesses, after all its a 24 hour window. Tomorrow is supposed to be India bashing day. New day, new battle.

Some say it was born on the 14th of August, others believe it to have come into being on the 15th. Some say it came into existence in the name of Islam, others preach it was taken 'for' the Muslims of the subcontinent. Some say a line was drawn when the objectives resolution was passed, others are of the faith that a line was crossed in doing so. Some say dictatorship shouldn't have been an option, others argue for its inevitability. Some say the Quaid was a kaafir and that Pakistan should not have come into existence, others deem him to be the epitome of morality, and the creation of Pakistan to be divine in nature. And yet each one of these people is vehemently self righteous about their ideologies without a hint of consideration for the other's perspective.

From day 1 Pakistan has been a confused piece of land, with a large population of pseudo intellectuals preaching their ideologies to any and all who care to give an ear to them, not realizing the fact that the amount of non researched and crude information they are imparting to their effectees will only trigger along more confusion and turbulence.

 Pakistan is a multiethnic and multicultural entity, moreover its inhabitants believe in different interpretations of religion, therefore the fact that we are a Muslim majority country is sidelined due to our overt fidelity towards our own version of religion and our ethnicity, rather than religion itself. We would have been good if we'd resorted to believing in our versions, the problem began when we set out to preach our version to the masses in a forcefully vehement manner and others reciprocated. This gave birth to a culture of self righteousness and intolerance in which each one of us has set out to prove the others wrong. 

In order to stop this cycle of madness Firstly, we need to accept. We need to accept that the founding fathers of our nation as great as they were, were human beings and human beings have an evolutionary thought process. Let’s accept that they might have started the freedom struggle with a different set of convictions as compared to the ones they had when they finally achieved this piece of land. After all that's how human beings operate, they adjust to changing situations.

Secondly, we need to confess. We need to confess to Mr. Jinnah and his friends that we screwed up and we screwed up because we could not appreciate the humanness of our founding fathers. We could not understand that human beings are prone to change. We just picked and chose a certain part of their intellectual discourse, which was obviously in accordance with our own convictions and started chanting them as loud as we could in the hope that all opposing voices will be overshadowed . Moreover we need to accept that we will never be able to agree on what future Mr. Jinnah had envisioned for Pakistan. But that is only possible if we are ready to take a cue from history. It’s been almost seventy years and we are still at loggerheads with each other over the very foundation of our nation.

Finally, in order to move forward we need to let go,

lets confess to Mr. Jinnah that we screwed up, and we'll never agree on what shape he wanted to give to Pakistan, and move ahead.

Decide our fates on the basis of the now and here. how do we need to shape it today in order to move forward and for once truly let Iqbal's and Jinnah's souls rest in peace.

  

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The tricky grounds of faith.

So an FIR has been lodged against one Mr. JJ, the reformed musician turned evangelist/Kurta seller, of recent blasphemic and previously misogynist/tableeghi fame. Even though, Junaid bhai has never failed to disgust me since his reformation, much has been said in the past few days about his self righteously misogynist antics, but i would never wish him, or anybody for that matter, to be booked, or even charged, under the infamous article 295 of the constitution of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. May God help him out of this dilemma. But the case in point is that this blasphemy of sorts by JJ has given rise to a very complicated situation. I mean before this it was simple, you don’t like someone’s face--no problem--scream blasphemy--problem solved, as in the problem is either already dead or will be dead, it’s only a matter of time. If an infidel girl doesn't let you take advantage of her well that sure amounts to blasphemy, death to her. If a heathen drinks in your cup, blasphemy it is, oh the Governor has come to her rescue, death to him too. Your professor asks you to critically think about your beliefs before you preach them, how dareth he preach such nuisance and this lawyer of his had some nerve to come to his defense, no worries he's been taken care of now. Some lowlife Christians aren't vacating a piece of land you need for a new industry; ah! I always knew these Christians were against the progress of my country, if that's not blasphemy what is. Your age old slaves want to leave your establishment in search of a better future; come on they are slaves, just burn them at the stake for God's sake. (Do we even need a stake?)You see before JJ fatefully committed the said blasphemy, it was just a simple case of genocide of the infidels and their supporters at the hands of the God fearing, Kaafir bashing Muslims. But this event has pretty much turned it into a war of sects which in itself is an ugly phenomenon, but what's important is that the situation has changed for the better. The good thing is that all of a sudden, for an evident reason, it has dawned upon the foremost proponents of the strictest implementation of the blasphemy law that there is a margin for concession in such cases. People have actually presented research supporting the fact that the blasphemy law is actually a misconstrued interpretation of Hanafi jurisprudence by a fifteenth century scholar Al Bazzazi. A different kind of debate has finally started, too little too late for the hundreds extra judicially killed by faith charged mobs. But still it might just be enough to create some space for a relatively rational approach towards such matters.  Let’s just hope Junaid bhai , after getting out of this mess unscathed, re-reforms himself for a second time and becomes the voice of the helpless blasphemy victims of this land of the pure, or is it still too much to ask for?Meanwhile, the most influential and loved PHD scholar of the country has not failed to amuse yet again, He has been found chanting around comparing types of minarets with each other. Apparently he's on sunshine acid. 

More on the relevance of that later.

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A Fatwa from the past!

On December 24th, 1957, The State Bank Of Pakistan issued 100 rupees notes with the photo of the Quaid printed on it for the first time. Apparently the State Bank's decision was a 'threat to Islam' , so the defenders of the one and only true religion had to jump in.

Following is a loose translation of what Jon Elia had to say about it, in his article for Insha Magazine, dated February 1958.

"Since the Pakistani nation has overcome all its problems and by the grace of God we are free from the ills of poverty, unemployment, massive illiteracy, destructive ethnic and geographical disparities and economic & educational atrophy, therefore our well intentioned mullahs are all but compelled to pay heed to more important and pertinent issues.
For instance, most recently , they have taken upon themselves the holy act of condemning , by letter and by spirit, the SBOP's blasphemously preposterous decision to print a picture of the Quaid on the new 100 Rs note. A lot of ruckus is rightfully being raised in this regard. After all this scam of sorts by the SBOP is the only remaining hindrance in the propagation of the Shariah. This is probably the only blot left on the collective conscious of the Ummah, so much so that even the great rulers of Baghdad, Turkey , Spain and Egypt have rolled in their graves in contempt of this act of heresy."

One can only wish these scumbags we call mullahs had the guts to boycott the new notes, but that is just wishful thinking, as they have proved throughout history that they are the most hypocritical species on the face of the earth. Time and again they have rejected technological and social developments on the grounds that they are a 'threat to Islam' and after the passage of time accepted them in fear of being obsolete. Be it the dawn of photography, or the invention of the television, whether it was the invention of the first plane or the advent of the Internet, they have gone on to accept these advancements after initially rejecting them with deafening furor.

Interestingly this phenomenon is not exclusive to Islam, even the Christian orthodoxy was against any and all developments of their time, until history rendered them insignificant. Hopefully our Mullahs will go down the drain sooner rather than later so that we may start competing the world on a level playing field, rather than clamoring on whether we're allowed to drink coffee or not.

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Rendezvous with a comma,

The comma has been an age old friend of mine, and will remain to be so, for the rest of my life unless of course if he betrays me or something. My relationship with the comma, which I must clarify, is a platonic one, dates back to the times when I didn't have to punctuate my life with formalities and manners, I was like 6 or maybe 7 when my grammar teacher, Ms Fatima, told me about this funny little punctuation mark, which can prove useful in desperate situations.
For instance, you start writing a sentence and by the time you reach the end, the sentence becomes void of all meaning whatsoever, here's what you do, you call in all the common sense you posses, read the sentence and sprinkle some commas, there you have it, your predicament should have been solved, if not, you need to start all over again, not the sentence, but your schooling!

Another desperate situation arises when you need to, either habitually or appropriately, start your sentence with certain adverbs (however, nevertheless, therefore etc.), which by the way is a practice disapproved by the traditionalist commentators of the English language, but who cares,  again you would need this little freak of a punctuation mark to set off your sentence into motion, in the right direction.

Then in the course of your, useless, nonsensical, baseless, meaningless, utterly disdainful life, there may come a time when you have to use, the notoriously misused, quotation marks which essentially displays that you are stealing those lines from someone but are bold/shameless enough to accept it, or it may be that you actually want to show some appreciation towards the actual proponent of those lines. In any case ,you would need the support of my age old friend.

Most of the time I've spent on this earth, specifically the time when, I’m not sleeping, eating, whining or doing something constructive for a change, has been spent in counting. It’s true, I've always been planning on becoming a billionaire, and that involves a lot of numbers whatsoever. The comma has been my partner in crime, ever since I crossed the thousand mark, if you know what I mean.

If you didn't commit suicide in your teens, or didn't succeed in doing so for that matter, you should have realized the importance of lists by now. (OK now admit it you must have thought of suicide at least once or twice by now, the fact that you’re reading this crap is evidence enough of the sort of loser you are). From the celebrity famed, grocery list, to the enthusiast’s, things to do list or the pessimistic, things not to do list. From the sucked up friend list, to the overburdening mailing list, or the never ending wish list. you are bound to be overwhelmed by lists once you've crossed that vivid line into adulthood and no list is complete without lots and lots of commas, unless of course if you like to spend a lot of paper and are in the boringly insane habit of making vertical lists.

While growing up I was taught how English has become a universal language and how important it is to learn its usage and I’m sure someone should have told you its importance as well. So basically we are brought up into the complex of having to excel in the English language, those who don’t, suffer from inferiority complex, and those who do, flaunt it as much as they can. And I can tell you this, if you know how to handle your commas, you can pretty much flaunt your way through any trouble, while writing.

All right so, that’s about it, I can think about ways to stretch this post, actually I’m deliberately dropping some uses of the comma, because 600 plus words is probably already too much, even for a loser like you. More so because  as you know by the title of my blog I’m a procrastinator so I can’t spend more time on this, I've got a lot of procrastination to catch up on. Go kill someone or yourself, maybe.

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The Blasphemer is dead!

Well then , now that the 'not so' Islamic Republic of Pervistan and the rest of the Muslim world has made the U.S and the Jews bend on their jerky knees, and one Mr. Basseley of blasphemic fame has been executed by the American authorities, we can take a deep breath, not too deep of course. How else would you explain the lack or absence thereof of protests taking place in the Muslim world at large, and Pervistan in particular.

WT... Don't give me that 'when the **** did that happen' look. Obviously that filth of a person has been  delivered to hell by the CIA, how else would you explain the fact that Richard Olson is still alive? Don't tell me that we don't have the capacity to kill a U.S ambassador, after all if our lesser Libyan brothers can pull it off, we in our absolute faithfulness can definitely do it. (Notwithstanding the fact that the Arabs don't consider us their brothers but that is only out of ignorance and we still consider them part of the brotherhood.)

One can argue that there is no such media report, but why do you forget that the media at large and specifically our pervy media is being heavily funded by the Americans and Jews for their own faithless agendas and they would never wan't to broadcast their shameful defeat at the hands of the brotherhood. The news of the execution of Basseley the blasphemer has only been circulated within a limited audience,  who have the means and capacity to avoid further decapitations, lynchings and kidnappings of American citizens, in order to avoid further humiliation on part of a so called super power.

Moreover all assumptions about the media in downplaying the blasphemy issue by diverting attention towards Malala, have been proven wrong after this report. In actuality the media is trying to downplay the  victory of the brotherhood over the infidels by creating a fuss over a non issue.

Meanwhile, according to another authenticated report, one Mr. Bilour of bounty announcing fame has been seen banging his head against a rusty structure, which was once a railway engine. It was revealed later that he was upset about the news because now he would have to give the $100,000 to a CIA agent and not his Talib nephew, as he had expected. Whereas his nephew has declared this to be another filthy conspiracy!

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Gaining Consciousness!

Come on people why is everyone, at least most of the people I know, so concerned about Malala, a kaafira in all the connotations of the word.

Alhamdullillah! , at least my eyes have opened to the truth after reading the detailed explanation of the warrior of God, Ihsan ullah Ihsan and I believe there will be many others like me. It’s no rocket science, what are the Taliban fighting for? To implement Shariah and from what I've seen the average Pakistani wants the same,( or maybe they don't want it implemented but can't oppose it, you know after all it is The 'Shariah'.) So what? If they have to kill innocent people in the process, after all these so-called innocent people are the ones who don't come out in the open to support the noble cause of the Taliban. When the mujaheddin are at war, every sane Muslim should come out to support them in whatever ways possible, but these ignorant people, they keep on living their lives as if nothing has happened, therefore they need to be reminded that we are at war with the enemies of Islam and they need to support us. (Yes, suicide bombers are the latest and most effective reminders. Smart phone reminders are so old school and ineffective.)

As for Malala, she along with her father had fallen for the Zionist propaganda; in fact she had become a symbol for the ill intended propaganda of the infidels and she needed to be taken care of.

For all those praying for her well-being, we believe Allah almighty will not pay heed to your prayers, but even if you guys force or bribe Him into saving her life, we will kill her, and this time we will not leave it for God to decide her fate, we’ll make sure she is on her way to eternal hell fire. As God himself seems to stray away from his  true path sometimes.

Malala was openly campaigning against the warriors of Allah and any and everyone who attempts to do so will be hell bound like her.

As comrade Ihsan has wisely portrayed in his explanatory note that the attempt on Malala’s life has been clearly sanctioned by the shariah. Pertaining to questions on the age factor, he relates to the incident where Hazrat Khizer killed a child, while travelling with Hazrat Musa, on the assumption/revelation that he would bring a bad name to his parents, who were pious and God-fearing. One cannot but appreciate the sheer wisdom of our comrade in elaborating on such a grave matter in so subtle a way that it will shed away the doubts from the minds of even the most religiously non compliant. It goes without saying that if she proved to be such a threat at this young age, one can only imagine the fitnah she could have created once she was grown up and all. We believe she should have been buried alive by her father the day she was born, had that been the case it wouldn't have come to this, but alas! Not everyone gets direct messages from Allah like our comrades. And while we're at it where on earth is her father, we’d just like a few quick questions and make sure he isn't able to answer any of them. The less faithful among you must be thinking, why doesn't Allah reveal his location to us, it's not that we have a network problem whilst our communion with Allah, but Allah provides his men with chances, every now and then, to prove themselves.

Furthermore our noble comrade has cleared the doubts of some of our skeptical friends who thought that killing a woman was a cowardly act and there is no place of such cowardice in Islam. Here again this blessing of a person, our comrade, has brought our attention to a tradition of the Prophet (P.B.U.H) in which a blind companion of the Prophet killed his wife because she used to use derogatory remarks for the Prophet, and the Prophet sanctioned this act by declaring that there is no blood money for her. (So much for the feminist apologists, "winks".)

After relating these two important and faith refreshing incidents the peace-loving comrade goes on to explain us what he, in his indisputable wisdom, has understood about the sharia. He says, and I quote "It's a clear command of sharia that any female, that by any means play role in war against mujaheddin should be killed". And Malala was clearly spreading false propaganda against the mujaheddin and that too on an international forum which is run by the enemies of Islam. Furthermore she was trying to promote secularism which is a purely Jewish concept and cannot be accepted in any form in an Islamic country. (I was about to commit blasphemy by demanding some source, then it came to me by the grace of God himself, "when a comrade quotes something, you believe it without further ado').

In conclusion, Malala was an agent of the enemies of Islam and targeting her was not only totally justified under the Sharia, but was actually the application of the will of Allah almighty himself. The fact that she is still alive is just another test-cum-chance from the almighty towards the God-fearing Muslims to prove themselves the true champions of the only true religion.

At the end of his note this great warrior of Allah gives all those so-called Muslims who are praying for Malala's well-being a warning, "Gain Consciousness, Otherwise............" What my friend forgot here was that he could use this opportunity to further explain to us the fruits that ‘gaining consciousness’ will bear to us (you know the virgins and all), instead he just focused on the warning part which is probably due to the fact that the fruits will be awarded by the Almighty himself whereas, if we do not pay heed to the warnings, the wrath of Allah will be brought upon us by the very hands of our comrade and his friends. (Would've been awkward if the comrades had to provide the virgins as well.)

Now if someone could please announce a bounty on Malala's head, he could participate in my heaven bound journey!

Long live the Taliban, defenders of the only true faith!

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Symbolic and Actual Blasphemy

Blasphemy is defined as the act of expressing disrespect for God or for something sacred, whereas respect is  "to pay proper attention to or the willingness to obey". 

Being a muslim whenever one hears the word blasphemy one is bound to think about Salman Rushdie, Danish cartoons or maybe some of us might think of Rajpal, the publisher who published Rangeela Rasool, who was later killed by Ghazi Ilmuddin, the latest additions are obvious. Who is the worst of them all?

As the most sacred personality for the muslims is that of Muhammad PBUH so any one who decides to instigate the Muslims seems to have an easy target.  As a result alleged Muslims go on chanting around in whatever piece of land they occupy, burning and breaking around whatever they manage to find, even killing people for not joining them.

Everyday, one way or the other, we are bound to neglect the Prophet's teachings more frequently than not and none of us feels shame while preaching them to others. Another way to put it is we commit blasphemy everyday by expressing our disrespect for God in the following ways. When we don't pay proper attention to (disrespect) the message he has sent to us, showing the willingness to obey seems to be a far cry. Our Korans are placed in places which are way too high for us to reach i.e it is not humanly possible to approach them, let alone read them and just forget about understanding.

It seems we have misunderstood the word respect to the extent of controversy. To understand the symbolic nature of our respect towards, our religion in general and, God and his Messenger in particular lets look at the word respect. Respect is the acknowledgment (proper acceptance) of any concept , personality or religion for that matter and to make things a bit more clearer acknowledgment is the recognition of the existence or truth of something.So in short respect is the proper acceptance or recognition of the existence of something.

Coming to the practical ramifications of the word respect lets study the case of Abu Jahl. Abu Jahl was an enemy of the Prophet SAW, he used to say to the Prophet that "I have no doubt in my mind that you are telling the truth but I cannot accept what you preach". If we stick to the above mentioned definition we can conclude that Abu Jahl respected the prophet but did not accept his message. That is more or less the same thing that we are doing.

What made Abu Jahl despicable was the fact that he did not practice what he believed to be true rather he left no stone unturned to stop the truth from spreading and proved to be the worst enemy of Islam. Compliance was the element that made all the difference for him. If he would have complied to what he believed he would have been the best of men.But instead he stood between the truth and the world or at least he tried to stay that way.In that respect He was the worst of the Blasphemers.

Today if we were to name the greatest hindrance in the growth of Islam it would be the Muslims who are proving to be the worst enemies of Islam. We believe Islam to be the true religion and don't bother to practice it. And for those of us who boast about practicing it, we only practice the symbols of Islam and not the essence i.e we keep beards but breed hatred in our hearts for anyone who does not belong to our school of thought.We go around chanting slogans about all that has gone wrong with the world and don't bother to look at our own deeds.We even kill, using the name of RahmatallilAalameen. Well I don't think killing someone or anyone for that matter was part of His teachings. In short we the silent majority of the so called Ummah are the worst of the blasphemers. We are the Abu Jahl's of our time as we say that we believe what our Holy Prophet has taught us but in practice we never comply. 

It is symbolic blasphemy that we are against the one that Salman Rushdie has commited as this sort of blasphemy has always proven fruitful for the propagation of Islam i.e whenever such a controversy arises people from all around the world get curious about Islam  and it's teachings. But to the other side it is our collective ignorance that is proving to be the worst sort of blasphemy the one that resonates with Abu Jahl's attitude towards our beloved Prophet SAW.

          

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Proud to be a Pakistani !

Barbaric, brutal, abominable, horrid, loathsome, inhumane, atrocious, callous..............  i went through my thesaurus and couldn't find the right word to describe what has happened in Sialkot. Watching the video as agonizing as it was one could only think it was being played on some uncensored version of The National Geographic Channel for except two of them the rest were definitely not humans. 

Although i had lost my senses for about two days after watching the video, my memory takes me back to the event of two robbers being burnt in Karachi by an angry mob and the series of murders that took place after that in the same manner in Lahore as well. Is this the freedom for which millions of our ancestors gave their lives " freedom to kill" . Well to be honest our elders did not set a great example for us except for those who died. We'll some of our parents might testify to the fact that in 1947 mobs were moving around the whole country to avenge the deaths of our fellow muslim brothers and sisters. Anybody who was considered to be a hindu or sikh was teared down into pieces by our great ancestors the reason being that the hindus and sikhs in India were doing the same to muslims and mind you had there been video cameras at that time the images would have been a trazillion times more agonizing than what we saw a few days ago. To our advantage there were no cell phones with video cameras at that time therefore we can be proud of ourselves and our ancestors. Moreover there was no strong media to report such events so we might not be able to find a trace of what we have done.

So what are we ashamed of now is it the cellphones we posses or is it our media. By the standards set by us in the past these acts should be rewarded and the rest of the nation including us should feel proud of what we have done, as  some reports suggest the brothers were robbers.

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Bewildered!!!

I was amazed as I recently went through a news article about a Lebanese T.V anchor who has been sentenced to death in Saudi Arabia under the charges of sorcery. His sorcery constitutes a T.V show in which he used to predict the future of the live callers. He was visiting Saudi Arabia for a pilgrimage in 2008 when he got arrested.

Interestingly Ali Hussain Sibat was arrested by the religious police(the mutaween) of the Kingdom which happens to be the same force which prevented schoolgirls from escaping their school, when it was on fire, on the ground that they did not have their heads covered.

The striking question that came to mind was what would be the situation if this version of Sharia was implemented in Pakistan. The Mamus , chachus and aunties predicting future on our morning and evening shows would be facing the prospects of execution all of a sudden. All the Burqa less bibis on the streets would be flogged on a regular basis. Oh My God! where would all the models go, it's funny read impossible to imagine vaneeza going across the ramp wearing a burqa. Bearded men wont be considered as Taliban any more on the contrary clean-shaved men would be suspected for being zionist agents. Well to tell the truth this sort of a situation seems Scary! Moreover the murderer of Adnan, the UET Peshawar student who was killed by Jameeat activists because he was playing music in his hostel, would be rewarded by the sharai government.

Ironically, the Kingdoms strict sharia is only applicable on ordinary people, the elite class is exempted from all laws. It's hard to believe this is the Islam of RehmatullilAalameen(PBUH), who ordered his forces to avoid even plants from getting damaged during a war.

May God help MR. ALI.

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